Monday’s Little Letters: 1/7/18

Is it wrong of me to not feel hopeful and full of purpose so early in the year? To feel like the boxer in the ring , face smooshed against the mat, head pounding, fighting back the tears, tapping down the anger at the one who threw her down to the mat?

I want to yell, “Hey!!! I’m the one who is victim to your lies and mean spiritness. Why are you the winner?”

But I don’t. Or I can’t. In the middle of all this female indignation of #timesup , I, a woman can’t stand up against another woman who has more power than me and my own. I feel very much like Oprah Winfrey’s character in “The Color Purple”. They all circle around the bully, support her and empower her.

And me. I just grunt silently and write mightily.

(Note: Written as I woke , sitting at the kitchen table of my home in San Pedro,California, drinking a cup of coffee, wondering when the deluge of rain would hit Southern California and if it would wash me away, this time or finally clean off the year’s of quiet servile soot.)